walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
where are you?
Hypothermia
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
