He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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