Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
