just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
