lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
