I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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