I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize