you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
