did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
