I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
