Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
