Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
