Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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