I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
