And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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