I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize