tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
