awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
