Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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