season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
