your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
