Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
