respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
