I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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