We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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