Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
