Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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