We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
