I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
