I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
