No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
