Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he thought i was a dude.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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