Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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