Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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