Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
