you told grandpa to call you daddy
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
