My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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