He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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