I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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