So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
