Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
