Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
