So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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