so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
