i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
