After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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