WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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