he puts the penis in happiness.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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