planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
