She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
