Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
