Michael Bay diarrhea
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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