wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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