They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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