Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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