And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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