The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
