someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need to wash the frat house off of me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
