you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize