Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
