Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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