So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize