i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the condom got lost in my hair
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
