I'm so fucking centered right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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