he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
