Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
