I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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